Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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