i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
