You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
