took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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