just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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