I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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