The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
