No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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