census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
