oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
