The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
