Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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