I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
