The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
