No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
not ubering you a puppy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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