I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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