WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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