The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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