Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
