clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
