I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
