maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its about making memories worth repressing
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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