I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
