apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we're so committed to being not committed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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