God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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