arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize