I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
