How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
