Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
