i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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