Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
