thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
