Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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