did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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