Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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