Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
