so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Buhtt sex?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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