i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
