Soap is not a condiment
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
