i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
