There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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