She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
