When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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