so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
