I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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