i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
