I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
