Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
