Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
