Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
