I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
