So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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