You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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