dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
