I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
