If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want to have your abortion
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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