I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
