Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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