I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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