what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just found a bag of teeth...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize