I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize