I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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