I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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