from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize