She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
