The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize