Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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