He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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